Sparkle Valley Philosophy: The Smortzle

Apr 28
4 min read

Updated: 5 days ago

The Smortzle doesn’t lead. He performs leadership, and calls that power.

When I think of the Smortzle I picture him on a greasy recliner in his broken down school bus surrounded by butterflies, and just seething. Just wondering how he can rise up from there.

Let me explain what the Smortzle is really all about. Because he's not the type of villain that sees something fragile and beautiful like Sparkle Valley and thinks “I hate this place.” Instead, he sees it and thinks, “You know what, somebody should be in charge of this place. And that someone is me!”

And by Book 2 he's actually done it. He's built a castle that's blue and tacky. He's got the Bobblehead soldiers building blue statues of him all over the place. The Inzos are keeping an eye on things for him. The forget-me-nots, the blue sparks of childhood wonder, have all been razed. Everyone in Sparkle Valley is afraid. But he's not actually leading anything. He's performing leadership.

Think about the wizard of Oz. It’s all noise and spectacle. Then you look behind the curtain. Or think about that kind of boss—the micro manager—who needs to control everything, because he doesn't really have any authority.

Power Without Substance

The Smortzle has big dreams. He wants to be a dictator. (I’m entertained just writing that sentence. The perfect summary— so vacuous). So the Smortzle wants to rule the land. But he's just not built for it. He's too insecure. Theater, big speeches, pageantry. That’s how he hides it. For him joy and imagination are simply an obstacle to overcome on his way to the top. And fear equals loyalty so might as well do that.

The Beast’s Perfect Host

Let's go back to that school bus now. He's living there, fuming over playing second fiddle to Ivana. Desperate, petty. He's ambitious in all the wrong ways. Then we get to Book 2, and he makes his move—something's changed. He’s no longer just hungry for power. He's actually possessed by it. Enter the Beast. The Beast has found its perfect host. Shallow and pragmatic. The Smortzle will gladly trade conviction for power.

And the Beast knows this. It feeds into the Smortzle’s ambition, and it hollows him out even more. He becomes a tool. And Abigail sees this. She notices that the old Smortzle is gone, and the new Smortzle is simply a puppet pretending to be a king.

Philosophically, the Smortzle has Hobbesian tendencies. Hobbes talked about trading freedom for safety. The Smortzle, however, jumps straight to control. His logic is simple: If you control it you’ll live a good life. And also, this is important, you’ll be remembered. He has a ridiculous painting of him posing as George Washington crossing the Delaware in his castle. That pretty much says it all.

The Voice Inside Emily

What does all this mean for Emily? Because there's a part of Emily reflected by the Smortzle. It's the part of her that stops believing that anything that's soft or beautiful can actually last. Because when she feels overwhelmed or powerless, that despair can easily turn it into cynicism.

The Smortzle is the voice inside Emily's head that says, “Well, if you can't be loved, at least be in charge.”

But under all that performance and all that bluster, there's something that's kind of small and sad. And that gets back to his picture of George Washington. Because there's a sense that if he ever stopped performing, he'd disappear.

That's what makes him so dangerous. It's not his cruelty, because he's not necessarily cruel. It's his emptiness. There's no there there. It's just fear. So he wears a mask—a mask of power.

And that's why Abigail is a threat to him. Because she sees through all that. And she doesn't need that spotlight. She just is. Her belief is resolute, and it exposes the Smortzle for what he is.

Starting in Book 2, the Smortzle is a vessel of the Beast. The Beast has found that hollow place inside of him where meaning should be and he's replaced it. It's used the Smortzle’s need for control to help finish what it started—the quiet destruction of Sparkle Valley.

So ultimately the Smortzle is just a pawn. And it's kind of sad too because the Smortzle could've been something. He could've built something lasting. But instead, he just built blue castles and statues to himself. And then he handed the keys to the Beast. And in Sparkle Valley, that's the difference between power and meaning. Power fades, Meaning lasts.